This morning I woke up exhausted. According to all the baby apps/websites/blogs/flogs/drogs/etc. around this time in my pregnancy is when your sleep really starts to suffer. It’s just not comfortable anymore. I was thinking about doing another post about more things I’ve learned about pregnancy so far. I then realized that a lot of the bullet points that I would make would sound more like complaining and not how wonderful it is that I am making a human. Something that is truly amazing and wonderful. I am so lucky that I can get pregnant and that so far it’s been a fairly easy pregnancy without a lot of bumps. I wrote a post a few weeks ago about how it seems as though moms are using the internet to vent frustrations of being a mom more than the positive side of motherhood. I didn’t want to fall into this myself and just vent about the frustrations of pregnancy.
How do I do this though? I’m sorry but being pregnant isn’t a picnic. It isn’t even a pretzel on the street most days. Everyday I become more exhausted and unable to do the things I used to be able to do. Tim says almost everyday, “You doing ok? You gonna make it?” and my parents this past weekend opted for take out than a home cooked meal at our house because they saw how wiped and uncomfortable I was. So how do you put a positive spin on something that makes you feel like your spinning out of control? I thought, “If I had a friend tell me they were pregnant or trying to get pregnant, what positives could I tell them so I don’t scare them?” I then remembered the first time we saw her heart beating. The first time we heard her heart beating. The first time we saw her face. The first time I felt her kick in my tummy. I started remembering these moments in time. The moments that made it all worth it.
Nothing worth having comes easy. Ain’t that the truth? We work our patooties off to get those moments. We work for the moments in time. We work for a fleeting moment of complete and utter gratification, success, and joy. I’ve had a few through my life.
1.) I started dancing when I was three. By the time I was eight I knew I wasn’t built like other dancers. Through the years I felt as though I wasn’t as good of a dancer because I didn’t look like the others. I threw myself into dance discipline though because if I couldn’t look like them I was going to keep up with them. Then my dance director told me that during one of our competitions another teacher from another studio pointed me out and said how wonderful my technique was and how I was a beautiful dancer. I will forever remember that moment.
2.) Counting the tassels on my cap when I looked up to hear the words, “Congratulations class of 2008!” at my college graduation. The hardest and some of the most wonderful four years of my life.
3.) Deciding when to start house hunting was a very talked about and planned decision for us. We saved money and I got to work. I found a great Realtor and a very helpful and responsive loan officer. In all honesty finding the house happened a lot faster than we thought and we were lucky. It was the second house we looked at. The moment we were handed the keys to our house though, that moment of complete relief, excitement, and achievement was one of the best moments in our relationship.
4.) Before Tim I didn’t have the healthiest relationships. I put myself and my happiness behind the guy’s. I totally changed who I was for them and I lost who I was for the relationship. I learned a lot about myself from them and learned a lot about what I wanted from relationships. I found Tim and about a year after we started dating he said to me one night, “I love you so much. I want to be with you forever.” That moment meant so much to me because for the first time I actually believed it. I believed that I was worth loving forever. That moment was life changing.
And then there are moments that we’ve been told about or witnessed through other people that we may look forward to.
1.) Around May 10th I get to have the pleasure of labor. The screaming. The crying. Crushing Tim’s hand bones. While that all sounds delightful, what I’m looking forward to is the moment that they lay my baby girl on my chest. The moment that is indescribable because that’s how overwhelming it will be. The moment I become a mom.
2.) We want to have more than one child. Like most couples we have a set number in our heads but of course after a couple kids we might look at each other and say, “Yup. I’m tapped out. This is good.” or we may have two more than we first thought. At that point in time I get to rediscover myself. I get to learn a life outside of being a stay at home mom. I get to experience a moment where I finally realize what my life is outside of my kids after years of dedication and being forever known as someone’s mom.
3.) My daughter’s first day of school. There are days where I feel like it’s already all going to fast. That she’s already grown too much and I’m loosing her. I know the first day of school will be filled with sad and happy tears. I get to have a moment of being proud of my little monkey. Purely proud. Nothing more, nothing less.
4.) Quite a few decades from now I will get the moments back with my husband. When we can retire. When we decide where to live. How often we see the grandkids. Sleeping in late because we earned it damnit. Being with each other without a kid tearing through the room covered in paint even though they weren’t painting. The moment we get to be Amy and Tim again.
Moments in time. Fleeting passes of time that remind us of why we work so hard. These funny little bits of our lives that make us feel alive and remind us why we love ourselves, family, and friends so much. Thinking back on your life do you remember the moments in time? Thinking ahead to the future can you think of moments in time you’re looking forward to? They can be big or small because for me I’m really looking forward to the stuff I said but I’m also really looking forward to the Girl Scout cookies coming our way.