I woke up this morning by the light of 2016. A new year. If you scroll through Facebook you’ll see lots of positive statues about how we all get to start over yet again. We all get to look at the next 365 days and say, “Come at me, bro!” With the look at the future we also get a chance to look over our shoulder and see the 365 days we just left behind and get to say, “You came, you saw, you conquered….bro”. You look back and wonder what kind of year you had. A natural wonder.
You hear all the time that we have to let the past be the past and look forward to the future. I agree that you cannot get stuck looking at the past because you can’t change anything, but I do think you need to do a 10 cent tour. We need to process what has just happened in our life to make sense of what is to come. We need to learn lessons from our mistakes, orientate ourselves as to where we want to be, and truly learn what made us grow in the last year. Without understanding these things we stay stagnant. We never move forward or back, we just stay.
That’s why this year I did my 2015 in terms of questions/categories.
1.) What did I learn from 2015?
2.) What were the big life events that happened in 2015?
3.) Were there negatives to 2015?
4.) What am I looking forward to in 2016?
Let’s get started.
1.) I learned a lot from 2015. I think the biggest was that I could do this adult thing. When I was younger I felt as though I always relied on my parents and sister to do everything for me. I turned 25 and freaked out a little bit because I realized that I had to adult. In 2015 I worked with a Realtor, found a house, bought said house, set up insurance, set up a mortgage, etc. I did it. Not my parents. Me (obviously Tim was very helpful but I made the binder soooooo). Then I got pregnant. Again, something I had to adult. I called the doctor, started cutting beloved blue cheese and red wine or micro brews out of my diet, planning for more than myself, started truly putting someone else first in my life. 2015 was a test of what kind of adult I was. I’d be lying if I said I was disappointed with the outcome.
2.) I’d have to say the two biggest events were of course buying a house and getting pregnant. These are monumental to me and something I will remember for a lifetime. I can’t forget about the smaller events though. My bonus nieces turning one year old. I got to dance with a wonderful company in Portland for a session. Tim and I celebrating five years together and one year married. My sister’s business taking off and how excited she was. Dinners with friends. Seeing baby cousins run around. Tim getting a great review at work with a raise. My parents celebrating 41 years together and looking forward to retirement. Friends buying houses. The moments that make you take a deep breathe and thank our ancestors for evolving their asses off to the point of where we are today. I love my family, bonus families, and friends. I couldn’t have asked for better reminders of what a full life entails.
3.) I would love to meet the person who said that their past year was 100% perfect and not be sad crying at night in the shower. In 52 weeks we meet a lot of people, meet a lot of challenges, and go through a large spectrum of time. I think that we have to go through some bad to see all the good. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason with a purpose. Too many quirky things have worked out in my life to believe other wise. I did have some negative spots in my life over the past year. I had a chemical pregnancy. We found our boiler was broken. Frustrations with house hunting and negotiating. Heart breaks from family and friends. All these dark spots sucked. They just sucked. When you’re in that spot you wonder, “How can this get worse? Can anything good happen?” and if you’re patient enough and put enough good out there, then yes. It will get better and good things can happen. Turn another corner. Search a little harder. You’ll get there.
4.) For 2016 my biggest focus of course is our baby girl. She’s coming in May and reminds me every day that she’s here and building her strength. There are a million (I could literally list a million) things that I am looking forward to. I have 19 weeks left in my pregnancy and I am already having trouble waiting to hold her in my arms. I can’t wait for her first smile. I can’t wait for her to meet her bonus cousins. I can’t wait to see my husband become a father. I can’t wait to see my parents and sister hold her. The list goes on and on. I know there will be other amazing little or big events, but it’s hard for me to focus on them. I have pregnancy brain hardcore and I sometimes forget Tim’s name, but when you have such a precious reward at the end of the finish line it’s hard to see anything else.
I personally don’t like doing resolutions for the new year. I don’t need to start a year feeling like I failed at the year before. I try every year to be a better version of myself. Sometimes I achieve that, sometimes I don’t. The only thing I can do is hope that the times in between those two extremes is good enough. I want to be a good mom. I want to be a good wife. I want to be a good daughter and sister. I want the next year to challenge me and show me that I’m working with the universe instead of fighting it. I want to look at my daughter this year and think, “You’ve been a long time coming, but my god, you are so worth it.” I want to achieve my un-achieveables and then set new ones. 2015 was wonderful and a year I will forever remember fondly. It was nice to look back over my shoulder but it’s time to look ahead and see what’s out there. It’s time to ring in the new year.