Yesterday to tomorrow

For the last two months I have devoted my life to a little chunk ball we call Eva. We love her and we can’t remember our lives without her. Not just me and Tim, my whole family can’t remember us without her in our lives. I realized that my posts over the last month have been about the underbelly of being a parent. The sleepless nights, the poopy diapers, the feeling that there is no end in sight. While these are all very true about the beginning of parenting there are also a lot of wonderful moments that we’ve had.

I’m going to list five things that have been awesome about being a mom. I will also list five things that I am looking forward to. With that being said, I know that there will be a day very soon that I will look longingly back on these days and wish I was back here again. I know that day will come when Eva is telling me the only way she’ll talk to me is through text with a text of emoticons, but right now I am going through it so there are stages I am looking forward to.

Five things that have been awesome:

1.) Having a tiny human: They say that the love you have for your child is indescribable. I guess that could be true. I think of the biggest passion and love I have in my life and amplify that by a bazillion. Having Eva was honestly the coolest thing I’ve done. She’s a tiny human, like us but tiny. It’s so crazy every time I look at her. Like we made that.

2.) The first babble she made: For a while there every day was getting difficult. We were still learning what it was to be a parent, what her sounds meant, and the constant CONSTANT need for attention. I didn’t know what would make it better. Then one morning I was changing her and all of a sudden she babbled. A babble! Nonsense never sounded so beautiful before. I couldn’t believe that she was already making noises. Somehow that day made things easier because it was really the first tell tale sign that she was getting bigger, she will develop.

3.) Seeing Tim in a new light: The other night I took a picture of Tim and Eva that made me cry. Tim was holding her on the Boppy pillow and they were laughing at each other. The love in their eyes for each other was another level of love for Tim. Watching him become the amazing father that I knew he would be is amazing. I didn’t think I could love and appreciate him more than I did on our wedding day, but it happened.

4.) Eva grabbing things on her play mat: About two weeks ago Eva was playing on her play mat and she grabbed onto these rings and pulled on them so hard they broke a part, they’re supposed to we don’t have a baby Hulk…which would be amazing. I couldn’t believe it. She developed a motor skill! She wasn’t a lump haphazardly flaying limbs around. Just another stage showing me that things will get better.

5.) Knowing that I can be a mom: I’ve written before how terrified I was about becoming a mom because I didn’t know if I could do it. I’d be lying if I were to say I don’t still think this at least once a day. I’m here now though. I go to bed with her every night and I wake up with her every morning. I’m not thinking about what it will be like to be her mom anymore. I am her mom, every day.

Five things I look forward to:

1.) Her talking: This is beyond the babbles. While toddler babble is akin to regular babble, at least 40% of it is understandable. I can’t wait to hear the, “I love you”, “Where’s daddy?”, “Strawberries make my eyeballs happy” you know, tiny goblin things.

2.)  Her sleeping in her crib: In another two months she’ll hopefully be turning over by herself because then it’s a great milestone, for sure, but it also means we can have her sleep in her crib. I love my daughter and I love the night time snuggles that have been happening for the last two months, but my god does mama need some sleep.

3.) Tim and I being married again: For two months Tim and I have been eating in shifts, sleeping at different ends of the bed, sneak in hugs when we can, and sneak in marriage when we can. We are truly devoted to our daughter and that’s great but at some point we have to be husband and wife again. We’ll get there, I hope.

4.) Doing household chores: I know, I sound insane. While I don’t take time from Eva to do chores, I still wish I could do them. I long for the days I waddled around the house while I was pregnant cleaning. I did laundry yesterday and today and am saddened that I won’t be able to fold them, probably ever. I’m looking forward to the day I’ll be able to get to fold at least one basket.

5.) Watching her get bigger: She’s already gotten bigger. She’s a monster compared to what we brought home in May. It’s amazing. No wonder it feels like it’s been years since we brought her home. She changes so much every week, it’s amazing. You don’t see that much change in one person unless they’re part of an E! special.

So yes, it’s been a long but also short two months since we brought her home. A lot in our lives has changed. Well, our whole lives have changed. At night we don’t watch Netflix and fall asleep to The Office for the hundredth time. Now we listen to Rockabye Baby and offer the baby gods our soul’s soul to get some sleep. Would we change it though? No. These have been amazing months and the ones to come will bring more amazingness. Being a mom is pretty cool, being called mom will be pretty remarkable.

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