When you’re getting ready for your new bundle of joy there are a lot of things that run through your head. Plans you want to make, blog posts about mistakes you don’t want to make, and ideas of unrealistic expectations. Among all these things you create a list in your head and you talk with your partner about all the things that you don’t think you would ever do. These are what I like to call, laughable ideas because there’s no such thing as things you will never do with your child. You will do anything for your child. You will do anything to get any sleep. You will do anything to keep your sanity.

Here are some thing I said I would never do.

-Bed sharing: My name is Amy and I bed share with my daughter. I said almost every day that I would never bed share. I judged parents who did bed share. Didn’t they know they could squish the baby? Didn’t they know that suffocation was eminent? Didn’t they know it’s not 1972 and the hippie movement was over? Come to find out, maybe it was none of those things. Maybe it was that they were nauseous from lack of sleep because their child wouldn’t sleep ANYWHERE except with them. That was my life, this is my life. I must say though, best teddy bear ever. Suck it Teddy Ruxin.

-Be over protective: I didn’t want to be this parent. The one who quibbles over every decision. Watches people holding her like a hawk after their prey (I don’t plan to eat my young, no worries). I wanted to be that parent who threw their baby into a group of family and walked away. Once she came though, I couldn’t help it. I became a mama bear who growls at anyone who comes within 50 feet of her.

-Post my kid everywhere: I don’t have a problem with people who post all the time about their kids. I love it! Kids are the breathe of our culture, we need them to live and thrive. I didn’t think I would make every post about her though. Come to find out, no. Every post will be about her and I can’t help it. To say a child takes over your life is an understatement. They Mothra your life and have no regrets.

-Be so self sacrificing: When I got pregnant I told Tim that I didn’t want to sacrifice everything about myself. I was going to go out all the time, I was going to shower, and I was going to stay human. How quickly the tables turn or more like flip over like Jesus in a marketplace. Moms need to take care of themselves but some days I feel like it is literally impossible. As I type this it is over my two month old asleep on my lap. Sleep baby, sleep.

-It’s your turn: I wanted a full on 50/50 partnership with my husband when we had kids. Once he got off of work dad time kicks in. Unfortunately this is just not the way this works, especially if you are breastfeeding. You are your baby’s source of food and water. It’s so demanding, more demanding than I realized when I agreed to this whole baby thing. I didn’t want to be the mom who says, “It’s your turn” but I’ve had to. I live in a chair for nursing. I eat one handed because I have a baby in the other. I share my bed and sleep with a baby. My life is baby.

-Think that my baby is a genius: Every parent thinks their child is a genius. Period. If you don’t, you are lying. We thought that when she was able to grab the rings on her play mat and pull them a part at 6 weeks old that she was a full on genius. I’m pretty sure she’ll be an early crawler and she’s able to prop up already too. In my head She. Is. A. Genius. In reality she’s probably not and may develop quickly but not be a true on genius. That’s okay, she’ll be a prima ballerina so that will take a lot of her time.

Never have I ever used to be a fun drinking game in college. Now it’s turned into a cruel reminder of what I said I would never do but end up rebuking on and do 100%. Things I want to do and things I really don’t want to. I guess that’s being a parent though. Having life turn out the way you didn’t plan and that’s okay. Some days it totally sucks but then that’s a parenting life. That’s life. Any person has sucky days and do things they never thought they would. Never have I ever thought I would have a never have I ever list with parenting.