Children aren’t for everyone. It’s true. Some people don’t want kids. Some people feel they can’t afford kids. Some people feel that kids don’t fit into their lifestyle. To these people I say, “You do you, Boo.” Everyone needs to figure out what or what doesn’t work best for their life. Not their parents life, not their friends’ life, theirs. If people aren’t okay with that decision they can go sit on an ant hill with a honey covered hiney. I don’t get many people in my life asking me why I wanted or had a child. Mostly because I don’t ask people why or why not they wanted children. However, I have asked myself the question, “Why DID you want to have children? I mean I get it, but why?”
I feel it’s a fair question to ask myself before peeing on a stick and seeing the word “Pregnant” cause mama does digital. I can’t deal with fuzzy pink lines. I would go crazy. I asked myself this before we got pregnant with Eva because I had to answer this question. I needed to. I loved my life before baby. Tim and I could go anywhere we wanted whenever we wanted. I could shower whenever I wanted. And while they’re some maintenance, Tim and the cats were pretty easy to take care of. Just feed them and give them a good brush once and a while and they’re good (Tim had a big beard, people). Why was I so willing, so determined, so…desperate? Why did I need to have this soon to be blob in my life?
Before deciding to get pregnant we had the conversation of, “If this never happens for us, are we okay with just each other?” The answer was yes. This was if pregnancy didn’t work and adoption didn’t work. If all our options faded were we okay being a married couple sans kiddos? Tim and I had been together for 6 years before Eva and lived together for 5 1/2 years. We were good being together just us. When we got married and moved into our house that last piece was missing. Her name is now Eva, but for a long time it was a blank piece. Friends of ours had babies and I loved being with those babies. I loved holding them, playing with them, loving them. When they would leave with their parents I was jealous that those parents got to go home with those babies. I wanted to have that little one. I wanted to be a mom.
To say I totally understood why I wanted kids is wrong. I knew Tim and I wanted kids and I knew that I was meant to be a mom. I was called a mom all through college and by friends afterwards. But not a normal mom, I was a cool mom. I had unconditional love and attention to give a little one(s). Tim always said he wanted kids partly because there are so many people who just shouldn’t be parents and we would make awesome parents and kids deserve to have awesome parents. I knew the yearn to bring a baby home that was ours…not a stolen one because that’s not “okay” by some people’s standards or whatever. I knew and understood that yearn.
After having Eva people without kids may see me and wonder, “Now that you have one, what is so great?” For a while I honest to *insert your spiritual leader here* could not really tell you because it was so hard. Having a newborn was insanely hard. Yes being with her was wonderful. Having all the snuggles was amazing. Holding something that you and your love created was beautiful. But Dukes of Hazard it was hard. The months went on and Eva was growing fast. It seemed like every month was a new adventure and a new first. Then one day it clicked. It’s great having a kid because it’s just so cool.
Let’s start with you created this. Like you and your partner created this. And I mean that by any standards. You created this family unit. Either through labor, adoption, IVF, surrogacy, stork, plane, train, or automobile. You and someone created this. It’s truly awe inspiring. Then this thing that you created cries, poops, cries, poops, sleeps on college schedules, and then cries again. After all that they begin to move around. It starts with wiggles and then moves to rolling and then to crawling and then to speed racer crawling and then to walking and then to running. It’s so crazy you can’t keep up because you were juuuuussstttt getting used to the last phase. It all happens fast and if you don’t pay attention once and awhile you’ll miss it.
After the normal developmental stages they start to do other things. Yes eating solids was cool. Hearing mama and dada for the first time brought tears to my eyes but it’s the little things you didn’t expect. This week Eva started putting toys into bins which was a new concept for her. I’ve been working with her on it for a couple months. She can point to water when she wants it. When we say, “Do you want Cheerios?” she points to her Cheerios container. Yesterday we came home from grocery shopping and I said, “Okay, take off your shoes” and she did!!!! All by herself. I’ve been showing her how to take off her shoes but by no means was I teaching her what “Take off your shoes” meant really. Babies, man. They listen. Even at a year old they stare at you with that cold vacant stare that makes you want their approval or a glimmer that they are there watching you. And then they take off their shoes. Amazing.
The internets is a great place where moms and dads who are worn down and wore out can go and vent and expel and ask, “Am I alone here?” We can make blogs with a few key strokes. We can finally all come together in some way and say, “Today was hard. Yesterday was hard. Tomorrow will be hard”. I know. I’ve made those posts and I will make more but I also want to focus on the really great parts of being a parent because at the end of the day, it’s just so cool.